“You don’t find a great relationship.
Your relationship is great because you work at it every single day”.
~ Simon Sinek ~
Relationships are the best …and if I’m honest…the worst thing in life.
They can be responsible for so much joy and laughter and then become a devastating torment in your reality.
I hear stories of “finding a soulmate” and “completing me” and it makes me wonder how the relationship can withstand that kind of pressure. What are the negative consequences within that relationship when the expectations are set so impossibly high?
I believe that these notions are the trappings of inauthenticity. These ideals will never allow the growth and maturity of a relationship to fully blossom into what it might be.
So is it possible to change a relationship?
Yes, of course.
But like everything else, changing the dynamic of any relationship requires great intention.
If you want connection and intimacy and great love and a relationship that stands the test of time, you must create that intention. It cannot be the last priority, you cannot blame your partner for the circumstances of the bond you share and you must choose each other.
And here’s the pivot point: You cannot change someone else.
You can only change yourself.
So what does this look like?
- Focus on your own growth. Changing your own mindset and working on those areas where you need to.
- Focus on your own self-care.
- Don’t expect your partner to meet all of your needs. Seek out friendships that offer fulfillment in different ways.
- Take responsibility for exactly what your relationship looks like. All of it.
- Make your relationship a priority:
- spend time together.
- met your partner’s needs to the best of your ability.
- Work on your communication:
- Let your thoughts be known
- Get feedback from your partner and ensure you understand their perspective.
- Use “I” statements, coming from a place of “I feel” or “I believe”.
- Listen. Actively. Tell your partner what you’ve heard them say.
- Get support or ask for help from friends whos’ relationships you admire and who are supportive of yours.
- Forgive. Yourself and your partner. Let go of past mistakes.
- Practice compassion and understanding in this process.
- Be connected. You must be authentic…which means being vulnerable. Come from a place of honesty.
- Increase intimacy…which is different than sex. Focus on the feeling of safety within your relationship. Touch more…and enjoy that touch.
I can tell you that your relationship can look very different than what it does right now.
On the other side of heartbreak, there is intense joy.
You can do this.
But you must choose it.